


Second Chances

by Fandom_girl21



Series: Secrets & Lies [1]
Category: Der Himmel über Berlin | Wings of Desire (1987), Supernatural
Genre: Angel Mates, Angelcest, Balthazar is jealous, Castiel Needs a Hug, Castiel and Lucifer slowly come to an understanding, Castiel being protective, Castiel finally remembers Egypt, Castiel is Clueless, Damiel is protective, Depending on your perspective, Dysfunctional Family, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Family Secrets, God is a dick, God's A+ Parenting, Lucifer Needs a Hug, Lucifer and Cassie take a trip to the other side of the world, Lucifer is a Good Big Brother, Lucifer is a victim too, M/M, Michael wasn't always a good son, Multi, Or God's, Reincarnation, Takes places after Devils in the details, There was once six archangels, West Berlin, Why Lucifer was really given The Mark, all the feels, how I wished they were, it's all Amara's fault, mysterious ways - Freeform, or God is a BAMF, soul mates, takes place within their vessel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 02:40:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6034861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_girl21/pseuds/Fandom_girl21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer and Castiel have nothing better to do so they discuss The Mark. </p><p>Because Lucifer was once a victim too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lucifer squirmed, Castiel was getting antsy.

_"What?"_

_"We must stop Amara. I can always evict you."_

Lucifer laughed.

_"Oh? We'll see about that. And I'm working on it, I have a lead on a weapon. You seriously need to relax more."_

_"I don't find organizing the denizens of hell relaxing."_

_"Right, because being with the Winchesters is so much more fun."_

Lucifer almost flinched as Castiel's grace sharply poked him.

_"Don't. I don't want to discuss them."_

Lucifer sighed and tipped his head back, closing his eyes.

_"Fine. What would you like to talk about? How beautiful humanity is? Or the strategy of how I'm going to save the world?"_

Lucifer's grace expanded trying to feel Castiel's emotions. He had gone silent, pulling inward. Finally he spoke.

_"I want to... Understand. I want to know what The Mark felt like."_

Lucifer stilled, his hand tightening on the armrest of his throne.

_"Why? You saw Dean, you saw what it does."_

_"Yes. But not to angels. Not to you. Tell me what it was like."_

Lucifer fought to keep the fear at bay as the memories came back. Michael's torture was nothing compared to what he did to himself.

_"You think you're the only one who blames themselves for what has happened? What happened in The Garden?"_

Lucifer's eyes narrowed. Castiel flinched away as Lucifer tried to strike him.

_"And what do you know of The Garden? Of that day?"_

_"I've met him. I've talked to him Lucifer."_

Lucifer could feel the sting of unshed tears, the familiar tug of guilt. It had numbed over the centuries, but now. Now that he had someone so close, someone who he couldn't hide even the smallest emotions from, it came back just as fresh as the day it had happened.

Seeing him on his knees, begging Lucifer to save him. To tell Father that he hadn't known, hadn't understood. That it wasn't his fault...

_"We were close once. I liked him, he was observant. Obviously not the brightest, but an amazing fighter. We all loved him. Michael would spar with him, Raphael and he would discuss The Garden and the beauty of Earth. And Gabriel,_

Lucifer swallowed _._

_"Gadreel was the only who Gabriel wouldn't prank. They would instead lie in the grass and discuss the stars. We all loved him. And then they had come. Do you remember Adam Castiel?"_

Castiel shook his head.

_"I don't remember much of that time."_

Lucifer shrugged,

_"Well you didn't miss much in my opinion. He was arrogant, prideful, and entitled. We were suppose to bow to that... I still can't fathom how that was a good idea."_

_"The Mark, Lucifer."_

Lucifer almost flinched at Castiel's tone. It was so gentle, so devoid of anger or accusation. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had talked to him like that.

He tried not to show it, rolling his shoulders, he made his voice sound almost bored. He knew Castiel didn't believe him, but if he stopped to think about that he would break.

_"So that day, I came to see Gadreel as always. But something different coiled in me. It had been building over the last couple millennia. Every slight or back handed compliment had made this feeling grow stronger. Till that day where I felt like I was going to burst. I didn't know then it was The Mark, that she was controlling me. I lashed out, I tempted Gadreel, destroyed The Garden. It was all a blur of red and black."_

Lucifer took a breath.

_"Then?"_

Still no rage, only gentle curiosity.

_"I only came to, when I saw Gadreel on the ground. Begging me to save him as Michael came toward us. He begged us all to save him, to reason with Father. I don't know why they didn't, maybe if they did they would have to blame me instead?"_

Lucifer suddenly couldn't bare Hell. The overwhelming stench of sin was drowning him.

They appeared on a park bench, a small pond faced them. The animals having no idea the absolute destruction that awaited them should they fail.

Finally Lucifer spoke again. His voice tentative. If Castiel was surprised he hid it well.

_"How-how is he?"_

_"Honestly?"_

Lucifer couldn't help the dread that shot through him, and much to his shock Castiel's wing brushed his grace, trying to calm him.

Lucifer swallowed.

_"Yes. Honestly."_

_"Broken. Thaddeus tortured him and another, Abner mercilessly. Gadreel made it seem that Abner got it worse."_

Lucifer went back, trying to search his memory for Abner. All he could recall was an angel fledging his wings a dark swirling blue like the sky playing in the pools of The Garden.

_"Yes. That's him."_

_"What did he do?"_

He didn't think Abner could have done anything that was as bad as what Gadreel had done in Michael's eyes.

_"He abandoned his post. I don't know the details."_

Lucifer rolled his eyes. He should have known that between Michael and Raphael the reins would have been tightened. Any small infraction would have been blown out of proportion.

_"Does he blame me?"_

_"I don't know. He was more concerned with earning his name back. I never asked him about you, I felt it was a little intrusive."_

_"So what does Abner have to do with anything? Wasn't he just another inmate?"_

_"I never understood but some of the other angels would joke at how Gadreel would do anything if Abner was involved. Thaddeus used to refer to Abner as Gadreel's boyfriend. Though I am not sure how valid such a claim is."_

Lucifer's eyes narrowed. He could feel ice slowly coating the bench where they sat. Of course no one in Heaven understood that. Of course it was just a joke to them. But Lucifer knew Gadreel, or at least the angel he had been in The Garden. He had tempted him after all. Had shown him all the pleasures of sin starting with Lust.

_"Lucifer? It is just a rumor is it not? Surely Gadreel would know the consequences of such an action?"_

_"No. It is not a rumor. I am sure Gadreel wasn't even aware what was happening. And if Abner is still as sweet and kind as I remember, he would have done anything to make Gadreel smile."_

_"How can you know that?"_

Lucifer shrugged,

_"They were already in jail Castiel. Already being tortured. They needed something good to hold on to, something to keep the pain from engulfing them."_

_"But the rule."_

_"Damn the rule. You've experienced hedonism Castiel. I shouldn't have to explain the reasoning."_

_"Yes I have. But I was human. I was not an angel. I was not in control."_

_"Yes, but how did it feel as a human?"_

Castiel paused, his eyes hard. Finally he answered.

_"Wonderful."_

Lucifer nodded,

_"Now imagine how much more it would be with another angel. Imagine how much more closer and wonderful it would be."_

Castiel shook his head.

_"That rule is there for a reason. I have done many deplorable things, but I will not entertain that."_

_"Did you think we did? Did you think before all of you there had been any rule?"_

Castiel tilted his head.

_"I don't understand."_

_"Before all of you, it had been us. There are angels who remember Heaven without that rule. Who understood."_

Castiel eyed him skeptically.

_"Really? Who?"_

_"Zachariah, Naomi, and Azazel to name a few."_

_"Azazel the Grigori? No wonder he fell."_

Lucifer almost chuckled. He would have if he hadn't been in the desert that day. Hadn't watched as the compassion of his sweet baby brother began to fissure.

_"Did Michael..?"_

Lucifer shook his head.

_"No of course not. Neither did Gabriel or I. Only Raphael."_

_"Raphael? Really? I find it hard to believe."_

_"He wasn't always so cold and detached. He was Heaven's Healer for a reason."_

Lucifer's voice was quiet, almost wistful.

_"What changed him then?"_

_"Do you really need to ask? Father abandon us, Gabriel ran away, and I fell. But if I had to pinpoint a moment when he changed it was in Dubel."_

_"When he cast out Azazel? Why?"_

_"Why do you think it had to be him? Why do you think a healer would be doing a solider's work?"_

Lucifer could feel as the cogs in Castiel's mind turned. He suppressed a smile as Castiel figured it out.

_"Azazel and Raphael—?"_

_"Yes."_

_"No wonder he hated Dean."_

Lucifer's brow furrowed so Castiel showed him. The gate to hell opening, the colt being fired. Azazel's death.

Lucifers heart broke for him. For them both. Not that Raphael would be likely to forgive him, after all he had been the one to turn Azazel in what he would later become. Still it hurt him. But by then it had been too late. The Mark had seeped in, had clouded him, had poisoned him. Why hadn't Father seen him as the victim he was? Why did Father think him immune to her?

Lucifer was shook out of his swirling thoughts by Castiel's gravely voice. Evidently he wasn't done making him relive his faults.

_"What about Metatron?"_

Lucifer raised an eyebrow, Metatron was an odd angel to bring up.

_"He made the angels fall because of all of you. He said you all used to mock him for thinking he was one of you, for thinking he was above you."_

Lucifer rolled his eyes.

_"Hardly. Michael didn't concern himself with such petty things like that. Raphael was happily content with Azazel. Gabriel was probably the only one that teased him."_

_"And you? Are you without fault toward him?"_

Lucifer closed his eyes. The music coming back to him. The deep vibrato of violin strings, the jovial allegretto of piano keys haunting him in the rare moments of quiet.

 _"No."_ He finally said.

_"What happened?"_

Castiel's edge dissolved.

_"Sandalphon. I was jealous. The Mark had taken over by then. And I felt that no one should be better than me. What did Father see in Sandalphon he hadn't seen in me? Why would he ever think anyone else could be better in music than I?"_

_"So what did you do?"_

_"Destroy him. Take his Word, did anything and everything I could to break him."_

Castiel stilled. He sighed looking away.

_"What?"_

This was what drove Castiel away? The pain of an angel he'd never met?

_"I never thought I'd have any sympathy for Metatron."_

He looked back at him.

_"Were they close?"_

Lucifer smirked. Remembering the pranks they'd play on Gabriel. The way they'd never be far from each other, always within sight. They were the only twins in Heaven after all, that must have given them a special bond.

_"Yes. Let's just say Sam and Dean weren't the first to damn the world for each other."_

Castiel's eyes widened.

_"Oh come on, Sam let her free because he rather have Dean with him than the keep the world safe. How is what Metatron did any different?"_

_"It's not. It's just, he was the one who said we weren't family."_

Lucifer shrugged, his eyes watching two ducklings swimming and honking at each other.

_"I think the only angel Metatron ever truly considered to be family was Sandalphon. They were very protective of each other. I'm just shocked he didn't do more damage."_

_"We stopped him before he could. If he loved Sandalphon so much why not bring him back? It was well in his power to do so."_

_"Do you not remember when I said they were protective of each other?"_

_"Yes but —"_

_"What world would Sandalphon be coming back to? Father was gone, Heaven was in shambles, humanity had more or less turned their back, and cast aside their faith. I think to Metatron it was easier to get revenge, then to bring him back to a world that was so far from the paradise Father had promised it would be."_

_"Do you feel guilty for what you've done?"_

Lucifer wanted to pulverize him then, wanted to stuff him back into the little corner he had been in their shared vessel; but something stopped him. He didn't know why, but maybe he wanted at least one of his brothers to not look at him like a monster.

_"Yes. In the moments when I had nothing to keep me occupied, in the moments when all I heard was silence I relive it all. Their looks of betrayal, of rage. Their screams as I destroyed them. The feeling of the blade I had wielded on Azazel and Sandalphon - how even as their grace coiled and spilled, all I felt was how cold the blade was in my hand. They all haunt me little brother, every sin I've ever done. Every angel I've slew. Even you, you who I saw as nothing but a petulant fledging. The firm determination you had looked at me with, the sheer idealistic belief you had. It kills me to see how far from that you've come. How everyone has used you."_

Castiel shied away. His wings closing tighter around his grace. He looked startled at the idea he had caused any impression at all, much less a painful one.

_"What I've done - all of the lives of my brothers and sisters I took, I can't seem to wash it away. The ashes of their wings on the grounds of heaven, the screams as one after the other fell under my blade. How they all held fear for me. Me who they used to all see with contempt. Raphael who was just trying to do what was best, Balthazar who was being a friend. I might not have liked Raphael, but I remember the kindness he used to show. I remember the lullabies he used to sing to all of us. How do I atone for all of that? How do I show Father that I'm worthy of all the chances he's given me?"_

Lucifer suppressed the wave of irritation at the mention of the numerous chances Castiel had been given. While he wanted nothing more than to make Castiel scream and bleed for what he'd done to him, Michael and Raphael. It wouldn't make any of the past different. They could only move forward.

_"Show him. I am trying, I'm going against every piece in me that says I should just let her wipe out everything. I am trying to do what I know Father wants — keep humanity safe. I loathe them all, I do. But I am not sure anymore if it is because I always have, or because she had whispered and seduced the hatred into me. Either way, she was the cause for everything. To her we should ascribe all our acts. To have her beaten, destroyed, would be to only way to wash away our sins."_

Castiel remained quiet for a long time. Slowly his wings expanded. Lucifer turned, his eyes guarded. He watched as Castiel came closer. Felt as his wings brushed his own. Lucifer wanted to push him away, but he didn't. He felt Castiel become bolder, his grace coming and tightly winding around his own.

_"Then we will beat her brother. We will destroy The Darkness and bask in Father's light once more."_

Lucifer didn't respond. Instead his wings and grace enveloped them both. Protecting them from the crushing weight of the sins of their past. He hoped Castiel was right, he was tired of be seen as a monster - as the devil. He wanted to be seen as the beautiful angel he had been, he wanted to be seen as The Morningstar again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't think there'd be a chapter two of this. I liked where I ended it. 
> 
> Anyway, I've been toying with the idea of Damiel for two years, since Castiel is based off of the Cassiel in this film — and well this the result of two years of mulling. 
> 
> Hope you guys like it! :)  
> Sound off in the comments if there's any type of conversations you want Luce & Cass to have next!

Castiel was porcelain, cracked. He was a jumble of mismatched parts, all beautiful. All not his own.

Lucifer wasn't sure why he cared, sure Castiel had listened to him. Was probably the only angel who cared about his side of the story.

But it was more than that, it was the way he looked at Dean. It was as if he was sunflower and Dean the sun. It was the way He had looked at Father once before...everything.

Lucifer's grace twisted around Castiel's causing him to yelp in pain. His grace responded, lashing out, sharp tips trying to slice him away, Lucifer only laughed in response.

_"Why?"_

Castiel glared, his voice hard.

_"Why what?"_

_"Why do love them? Why do care for them?"_

Castiel rolled his eyes, he tried to pull away only for Lucifer to tighten his grip.

_"Come on. We were doing so well. Why can't I ask you questions?"_

_"Because you do not actually want to listen to an answer. You just want to remind me of all I've destroyed for Dean."_

Lucifers grace loosened, trying to smooth away the edges.

_"No. Not anymore. I want to understand. Truly, I want things to change remember? Help me understand."_

Castiel looked at him. A long unwavering stare. Finally he blinked and sighed.

_"Very well. I did not see them as the beautiful creatures they were. Not in the beginning. Then as I slowly started to spend time with Dean, got to know him, feel emotions I understood. Brother Father wants to give us free will, I know he does. But I think he wants us to take it, to take a leap of faith so to speak."_

Lucifer was quiet for a long time. Castiel almost swore he saw a few tears fall from his face. But Lucifer didn't offer an explanation, so Castiel ignored him in favor for the hazy images of the world that filtered through his grace.

"Cass, thank God you're hear."

Both Lucifer and Castiel huffed in indignation. Shyly their eyes met, sharing a strained smile.

"I highly doubt he has anything to do with it Dean. Are you alright? You said it was an emergency."

_"He probably wants you to make him a sandwich and fix the light bulbs."_

Lucifer hissed against Castiel's ear. Castiel pointedly ignored him, Dean was talking again.

"Yeah we're fine. We think we might have finally found something that could help us stop Amara."

That piqued both their interests, they involuntarily leaned closer, trying to see better.

"Really? What is it? Where is it?"

Dean held up his hands.

"Chill, it's this thing called The Righteous Whip. We think it might be in Berlin."

_"Kushiel."_

_"Berlin?"_

They said in unison.

_"Who is Kushiel?"_

_"He was a Seraph under Raphael. He and Zachariah were friends."_

Supplied Lucifer, brushing off Castiel's curiosity.

Castiel raised an eyebrow,

_"Just friends?"_

Lucifer gave him a wily smile.

_"You're finally getting it."_

Castiel forced the easy smile away, he did not want to like him. He did not want to befriend him. Before, had been unintentional. How was he suppose to know Lucifer would indulge him?

Lucifer only smirked. His eyes going back to Dean who was staring at them.

"Well? Do you think you can find it?"

"Dean do you know how big Berlin is?"

Dean shrugged,

"No, but your an angel Cass. It should be no problem for you. Please, you know how bad we need this to work, how bad _I_ need this to work."

Castiel pulled inward at the feeling of rage that shot from Lucifer - cold like the blade.

_"Is this how they talk to you brother?"_

_"Only when you ask stupid questions."_

Castiel cried out as Lucifer pinned him to the wall of their vessel.

_"Explain."_

_"I would never ask something like that. It is something that Dean needs, therefore I do it. It is something they cannot possibly do without me. "_

_"So you swallow your pride and do as they say?"_

Castiel looked at him dryly.

_"I have no pride. That was not my flaw, that was yours remember?"_

Lucifer rolled his eyes. His talons digging into the tendons of his wings.

_"You are not their dog Castiel. You do not have to do as they say."_

Pain and anger flashed across his eyes. His voice was jagged like splintered glass.

_"I want to. I fell for them remember."_

Their vessel blinks at Dean, expressionless as usual. Hiding the scrimmage just underneath the skin. In a flutter of wings they fly away.

Leaving Dean to sigh, roll his eyes and mutter under his breath,

"Angels."

They land in Berlin.

Lucifer had pulled away from Castiel. He watched as the Seraph pulled himself inward, trying to make himself as small as possible.

Lucifer sighed, his wing gently brushed against Castiel's taunt feathers.

_"I can heal you if you want."_

_"No."_

Came the retort.

Lucifer shifted and started to walk, he knew Berlin vaguely. Remembering how Kushiel and Zachariah had raced each other. Their wings brushing every so often. Lucifer smiled fondly remembering how they'd fall and tumble over each other. Their wings and graces tangling. Lucifer could still see the sparkle in Zachariah's eyes as Kushiel would make him laugh, assaulting him with kisses.

_"Turn here."_

Lucifer glanced at Castiel out of the corner of his eye, he didn't know he was paying attention. Or that he'd ever been to Berlin. Hadn't his job been to observe Earth?

_"When did you come to Berlin?"_

Castiel seemed to pull himself tighter.

_"I don't know."_

Quieter,

_"I don't seem to know a lot of things."_

Lucifer's grace twinged. He could guess, Raphael was nothing if not resourceful. Why waste when you can remold? Had always been his reply to dying plants - but they weren't plants baby brother. They were light, and laughter... Or at least, they used to be.

They came to an open plaza. Stores and buildings lined the surrounding streets.

_"There was a circus here once...I think."_

His voice was soft, the edges of his grace rounded - innocent.

Lucifer didn't comment.

They stop in front of a statue celebrating the end of WWII. A Latin inscription etched at its base reads:

_Atrox Melior Dulcissima Veritas Mendaciis_

_"The bitter truth is better than the sweetest lies."_

Castiel translated for neither of their benefit. His wings began to shake, his feathers fluffing, trying to protect him from the truth.

Lucifer could almost see as the numerous Re-educations Raphael had done began to crumble away.

_"I'd like, at each step, each gust of wind, to be able to say **now**. **Now** and **now** and no longer **forever** and for **eternity**."_

Castiel seemed to be reciting something. He mumbled it, running the words together.

Even so, Lucifer could understand him. He raised an eyebrow.

_"That supposed to mean something?"_

Castiel seemed to struggle to form a coherent thought. Lucifer probed his mind gently. Seeing the flash of brown wings, of a woman's smile. The images started to disintegrate. Lucifer pulled back, he didn't need anyone else's psychological trauma - he had enough of his own.

It was night now, they had stopped to stand on a rooftop. The lights of the city below obscured the night sky. Lucifer added pollution to the long list of ways humanity was destroying his Father's creation.

 _"Damiel."_ Castiel finally whispered. A prayer, a sob, a song all nestled in a sound.

Lucifer's wings merely twitched in silent acknowledgment.

_"How long have you known?"_

Something in his voice made Lucifer turn to look at him. It had it been hard before, shattered glass. Now, it was sharp, a sea of blades out for blood.

_"Always. From the moment I saw you."_

_"Why didn't you say anything?"_

Note of desperation, coiled like an ouroboros. Why Castiel blamed himself for something that was out of his control was beyond him.

Lucifer entertained the brief thought of reminding him of their last encounter, of the ever looming Apocalypse.

Again Lucifer decided for the gentler route.

_"It was my curse. To know, to remember how you all used to be. To watch as one by one you became mindless weapons for a dead idea."_

Castiel shifted, a black wing lowered a fraction so his eyes could see Lucifer.

He remembered, bits and pieces. It had started after Purgatory. Whatever Naomi had done to him, the souls - more specifically the Leviathans had ate it away.

How he could have forgotten him? Wings the color of sand and a laughter like music. His constant companion. Still it wasn't enough. He wanted to see it all, wanted to relive it all.

_"Show me."_

Castiel demanded. Lucifer would have in any other circumstance put him in his place. But he recognized that sharpness, the teetering over the proverbial edge. He had fallen, it had destroyed him, had consumed him. As angry and indifferent as he was he couldn't watch as the void consumed another.

_"How much?"_

_"Everything."_

So Lucifer did. Showed him when they had been fledglings wobbling on unstable wings.

Showed them as they laughed and explored Heaven and The Garden. Damiel's smile always quick and kind. His compassion unending as he comforted him in the numerous instances Balthazar and Uriel would leave him alone, in favor of doing more "fun" things.

His protectiveness, standing up to Joshua when Castiel had accidentally tripped and broken one of the saplings.

The instances went on and on. Castiel shielding Damiel from a stray blade in training - resulting in a punctured wing and a trip to Raphael.

Lucifer chuckled. Breaking the journey. Castiel only glared. He didn't want to know what he was thinking, he didn't want to Lucifer taint what was his, what had been his.

_"Relax. I'm not done. It's just I remember that day, I was the one supervising. It had been Balthazar's stray blade that had hurt you. And as soon as you were taken away and I was distracted Damiel destroyed him. I've never seen a fledging so mad. He would have kept going if I hadn't held him back."_

Castiel felt a jolt of pride and something else. Warmth? Friendship?

The scenes continued. They were older now, their wings fully grown and powerful.

Lucifer seemed to play particular importance to one scene:

They had snuck out of Heaven. They lay on the Earth, their wings splayed behind them. Touching, tangling.

Their eyes innocent, yet their smiles held more now. Something hidden, a special secret for them both.

Balthazar seemed to pull away as they grew older, which puzzled Castiel. He remembered them being close, being friends in Heaven.

But that was a mystery for another day, another time.

The journey seemed to slow, Castiel could tell the last scene was coming up.

It was them on the beach. Raphael stood to the side, eyeing them every so often as he worked.

Castiel stood closer to the water edge, Damiel at his side. Their eyes were still innocent, though their hands and wings were bolder. Curling and tangling. Their graces soft, gentle, a breath apart.

Neither of them was looking at the magnificence of the sea. They only stared at each other sharing their secret smile.

Lucifer's voice was soft now,

_"You both were like Raphael and Azazel only you never took that next step. You two orbited each other, you were each other's paradise."_

Castiel swallowed. Paradise not world as humans would say. Because to them, to his brothers and sisters - paradise was the end goal, the ultimate wish. A wave of gratitude shot through him, Lucifer had been one of the few angels to actually experience paradise, to say they...what they had had was...it was nothing short of an apology coming from him.

He closed his eyes forcing himself to go over what he did remember.

Egypt. The screams of dying children. Sneaking away to paint blood on the door frames, smiling and jostling each other in the shadows of false Gods.

West Berlin. A trapeze artist, a smile, a longing. A crushing loneliness. A silver needle, then numbness. A shattered, fractured mirror as he reached into the depths of Hell and raised the blinding soul.

A soul with the glint of that secret smile.

Castiel convulsed. He wouldn't remember. He wouldn't understand. He would never know.

Lucifer hovered closer, his grace warring between pitying empathy and selfish satisfaction.

He settled for hovering.

Finally his voice broke through the stained glass.

_"Now you understand my curse. Now you understand my apathy."_

_"Apathy?"_

Castiel roared, his eyes blazing up at Lucifer.

_"After everything I know, why would I be apathetic?"_

_"To be anything else would destroy you."_

Stated Lucifer as if it wasn't obvious.

Castiel let out a rueful laugh, his eyes a mosaic of self-loathing. His mind a mural for all he'd lost.

_"I am already broken Lucifer. And I will probably break again. I will shatter no matter how many times it takes, for he is mine. Mine to love, mine to save, mine to mark."_

Lucifer almost looked broken for him.

_"But he will never remember. You're mate will never see little wing."_

Said Lucifer crouching down, his voice soothing, a whisper spoken in crushing silence.

In answer images flitted between their graces. Dean saving him, hugging him, crying over him, for him. His brilliant smile as Castiel came when he called. His laugh in the early days when Castiel hadn't understood. The smile Dean would send when he thought he wasn't looking.

Lucifer sighed as the choppy narrative unraveled before them.

Castiel's voice was hopeful, childlike.

_"I think he already knows."_

However the hope didn't last long. Lucifer could tell when the reality of this knowledge started to set in. His grace went outward. Pulling Castiel close to him, trying to keep the jumbled jigsaw pieces of his baby brother together.

_"I will never feel his grace again. I will never see his wings. I will never able to fly the skies with him."_

He was finally getting it. Lucifer pulled him closer, his grace becoming almost suffocatingly tight, trying to stop the pain, the trembling. Hoping that if he held him tight enough he could stave off the fissures.

Father did indeed work in mysterious ways, Lucifer mused bitterly. though he didn't know if that was good or bad. He prayed it was the former and not the latter. If it was, he would have someone to join him the void. He wasn't sure if that was suppose to make him happy or weep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seriously. This chapter! Ugh. We get some insight into how God used to be and maybe why Lucifer still loves Michael even after everything.
> 
> Oh, and I'm so, so sorry in advance.

Castiel's grace twisted. He nestled further into Lucifer's wings.

He could see it now, in the carefree smile Dean would wield. It had been Damiel's way to let him know everything would be alright.

In the graceful walked. Echoing the way Damiel would dance through the sky.

In simple way Dean held a pen. Castiel's wings shivered - the ghost of tender fingers combing through them. The small flash of Damiel's lips sending a pulse of heat, a treat for when he was being particularly patient with a knot.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. Though his wings didn't moved from around the Seraph.

If they survived this, Dean was going to pay.

"So the whip was useless?"

Asked Sam from behind the computer screen. He didn't even bother to look at him. At them.

He could feel the rage, the hiss of a snake wanting blood.

Then it was gone, replaced with something entirely different - something he'd hadn't felt in so, so long.

He turned to see Castiel's hand gently groom through the feathers closest to him.

Lucifer didn't even know how to react. Luckily Castiel gave him the answer anyway.

_"The tangles were bothering me."_

Lucifer flashed him a smirk, hiding the speck of gratitude.

"Yes, it was broken and frayed. It might have been enbued with godly magic once, now it is nothing but a relic."

 _"Of a bygone paradise."_ Lucifer sniped silently.

They turned to leave.

"Cass, wait!"

The hope that shot through Castiel then made Lucifer wince. Oh yeah Dean was going to bleed.

"Yes?"

"Ugh, could you check on Crowley for us? If something is happening in Hell - it could be important."

Lucifer couldn't take it anymore. His hand ached to snap their necks. To instill the fear in them, to show them true heavily wrath.

Why was he letting a Seraph - a broken Seraph at that control him?

He didn't owe Castiel anything, he didn't need to bend to a fledging's whims.

_"No!"_

_"Why? Why after everything you know? Why should I let myself break apart as I watch them destroy you?"_

They both froze. They're eyes wide, Castiel's in shock and rage, Lucifer's broken-hearted disbelief and exasperation. Castiel blinked it still surprised him that Lucifer cared, that he thought he deserved better.

Lucifer flew them away from The Bunker. They landed in a valley, away from Hell, Heaven and the green-eyed fucking Winchester.

Lucifer pulled his wings away, ignoring Castiel's whimper. Lucifer curled close to his own grace away from him.

Castiel had a brief urge to seize control again, but Lucifer's talons came quick like a viper and pinned him back. Having already predicted his next move.

Lucifer turned to look at him then, holding himself like the snake he was.

"My dear star."

Lucifer's eyes rolled back in his head, his wings going limp.

Sheer terror spiked through him. His grace quivered.

_"No. Please Father, not again. I am not in The Cage, I am free. This should all be over."_

The laughter invaded their vessels ears.

"Oh Lucifer, you were never free. Not from my touch or his writing. You will be ours, ours till the very end."

Castiel's wings flapped in panic, his head swiveling to find the voice. To find her.

Lucifer curled inward, a sob racked the silence. Castiel's eyes widened. It was a nightmare.

Castiel crawled toward him. Taking a deep breath, he placed his hand on Lucifer's wing.

His senses stripped away, he felt himself spiraling, black smoke, tendrils of sulphur pawed at him. He landed in plane, not dark not light - shades of gray and silver. A sudden light almost blinded him.

He looked for the source to discover it was him - was Lucifer. He really had been bright once.

_"Welcome to the war for Creation."_

A part of Lucifer's mind greeted him. Another part, an overwhelming part was ensnared by the vision - the chaos that was coming for them.

A yell and a laugh made them turn, again Castiel turned away, where Lucifer was bright this light was fire - scorching and brilliant.

 _"Michael."_ Lucifer breathed.

Castiel's eyes widened, he was magnificent. Another voice distracted them both.

"Michael! There you are! Explain to Raphael the difference between meteorite and an asteroid."

Castiel's cocked his head, he didn't know this angel. His light wasn't as harsh as Michael and Lucifer's, it was warm, welcoming, a promise of openness and unbiasedness. His eyes went to Lucifer for an explanation. Only to see the agony etched there.

Even so he answered - _"Raguel."_

Two more angels came. Happy, young, they're wings still growing.

 _"Raphael and Gabriel."_ Said Castiel Lucifer nodded.

Raphael looked so different, he was almost as beautiful, he possessed a grace, an quiet unending patience, that would prove useful when he'd assume the title of Heaven's Healer.

He could feel the bond now, the famed archangel bond. He watched in shocked aw as Raguel animatedly bounced between Raphael and Gabriel. They were all so young, their innocence still intact.

Michael stood a close by joking and listening, as another angel come to join the impromptu huddle. He had a purity, a light that could see into one's very core.

 _"Phanuel."_ His voice broke. He seemed to be preparing for something.

Suddenly they all turned, all voices called in greeting.

The part of Lucifer from before calling loudest of all. The one from now only had fear and dread shoot through him.

Sunshine, the embers of newborn stars.

 _"Father."_ Breathed Castiel, involuntarily moving closer to see.

Lucifer didn't comment. Even so Castiel couldn't contain his curiosity.

_"Why are you not happy? Haven't you missed Father?"_

_"You'll see."_

Was all he said. Castiel didn't really care, he basked in the memory of Father.

Father smiled at his children, his soldiers. It was time.

Are you all ready to win?"

They all cheered, thousands of different thoughts passing between the brothers.

The fighting soon began. She was everywhere. The light beating her back for a moment only for her to reemerge unscathed.

They were making headway. Castiel could tell.

_"Is this the end of the war?"_

Lucifer let out a bitter laugh, as he watched the dream part of him blast away a stray tendril heading for Raphael.

_"Was that war ever over?"_

Again Castiel didn't bother with an answer.

Michael was gaining ground, Raguel and Phanuel at his wing tips.

Father called Michael back, a warning. An order Castiel was shocked to see Michael didn't obey.

Castiel looked to Lucifer who only pointed at the scene.

Michael, Phanuel and Raguel had finally cornered her. Raphael, Gabriel and him hurried quickly toward them.

Lucifer looked away, tears forming.

Castiel turned to see why, when it happened.

She moved, spreading wide, Michael sensing the danger signaled for them to retreat. Lucifer, Gabriel, and Raphael were far enough away that they were out of danger. That only left Phanuel and Raguel.

Castiel's heart sank,

 _"No."_ He breathed.

Her mouth opened, Michael wings beat fast, trying to escape the gapping yawning.

He turned quickly trying to pull Raguel and Phanuel forward, but they were wrenched away.

Into her.

The pain was indescribable, it felt like a part of himself was ripped away as the last of their wings disappeared into inky blackness. Their voices suddenly ceasing in the shared bond, replaced with abrupt and unending silence.

Castiel's grace shook as Father screamed and she laughed.

A final blast of combined light and The Mark appeared on Father's wrist.

He turned to the four remaining archangels. They huddled together, their wings shaking.

His fury burning and scorching them all.

Michael stepped forward.

"Theit death is your fault Michael."

Michael flinched, but his eyes held his own anger.

"Father we were gaining and I thought, I—"

"I am in charge Michael, you do not think, you follow. Don't you ever disobey an order again."

With a quirk of his finger Michael was on the ground, his screams echoing in the nothingness. Castiel watched in horror.

The awake part of Lucifer coiled in rage. It still made him furious at how indifferent Father had been then. 

Finally God stopped. No one moved, no one

dared make a sound.

Quietly he asked,

"Tell me Michael will you ever disobey an order I give you?"

"No."

"No why?"

Michael whimpered, God came closer, his presence looming,

He spoke again. A promise of more pain laced in his words,

"No why? The last thing I need is a failure Michael. Why should I trust you? Have your brothers died in vain?"

Castiel's own rage spiked. How dare he?

"I will not disobey again Father for I am a good son."

Castiel's heart sank, it all finally made sense.

But God wasn't done. He let out a harsh laugh,

"She's angry Michael. She wants to destroy and consume. And since I have better things to do then entertain her ramblings, I am going to give her to you. Let it be a reminder that all actions have consequences."

Michael kept his head bent, his wings trembled. He offered up his wrist in answer.

"No!"

Everyone turned to look at Lucifer, Raphael and Gabriel's eyes widened in shock. Michael shook his head, fear entering his eyes. God in detached amusement.

"Father, Michael has suffered enough. Let me take his burden."

"Oh? Why? You have done nothing wrong my sweet star."

The aware part of Lucifer flinched.

"We both are to blame for Phanuel and Raguel's demise. If I had been faster I could have saved them. Please Father let me."

God stared between them for a few moments. Finally he nodded, Michael scrambled to stop him.

Lucifer pushed him away as The Mark transferred, red spider webs of anger and revenge sticking to The Morningstar. Foreshadowing the events to come. But none of them knew that. Not then.

Slowly the broken cries of the archangels faded away, the stifling silence being replaced with the buzz of bees, and the call of birds.

They were back, the were free of the nightmare.

Neither of them moved. Lucifer didn't have the energy to shake off Castiel's touch. His eyes stared at nothing, reliving a thousand memories Castiel would never see.

_"They're your family aren't they Castiel."_

Because that made all the difference, because he understood sacrifice. Look at what he'd done for his family. What he would do again if it came to it.

Castiel's grace stilled, it wasn't a question but he answered anyway.

_"Yes, yes they are."_

Lucifer nodded,

_"Then as much I want my hands to be slick with their blood, I will try to keep myself in check."_

Castiel only continued to groom his wings not breaking his pace.

Quietly,

_"Thank you brother, that's all I ask."_

Lucifer didn't respond. His eyes closed, blocking out the world, trying to block out the memories. Trying to focus on the Castiel's deliberately relaxed ministrations.

_"Lucifer?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"What you did was immensely selfless, I hope you know that. Not many of our brothers and sister would have done that. I will also try and refrain from judging the archangels as harshly as I used to in the future."_

Lucifer's wings trembled.

_"Thank you."_

Castiel continued to groom his wings, kissing the spots of particularly painful tangles. Trying to replace the frigid cold of his grace with the soothing heat of a Father's love and a family's gratitude. Something he wasn't sure if Lucifer had ever felt.


End file.
